What a very creative poem! I can most definitely see the inspiration you have picked up from T. S. Eliot’s work, including the modernism and your approach to the trench warfare. Your lexical choices are very powerful in delivering the destruction of war. This is given more depth through the contstant visual and audiorty imagery, for example,
“We run, you and I,
From the boom, boom, boom of dilapidation.
You see big explosions from the bombshells,”
If I were to critique any part of you creative peice, I would suggest a more sophestical vocabilary that would give more depth to your imagery and depcition of the war scene. Overall, you’ve done a great job of relfecting themes, style and stories just as T.S. Elliot while at the same time exploring your own creative capabilites! 🙂